Have you ever felt unappreciated or unacknowledged?
Feeling unrecognized is common for Projectors in Human Design, but I think everyone experiences this at one time or another.
About a year and a half ago, I noticed a strong desire in me to be recognized by others. Then it occurred to me that nothing anyone says or does can ever make me feel anything. The experience is created entirely inside of me by whatever thought experience looks real.
Ultimately what I saw that “recognized” was how I wanted to FEEL.
I started to explore. If I want to feel recognized, and I can’t rely on anyone else to recognize me, it’s completely out of my control.
What if I recognize myself? What if I give to myself the recognition that I seek?
I had to ask myself, what does it even mean to recognize myself?
I began to notice that when I try to recognize myself by thinking about ME, it doesn’t work. It’s just more self-conscious thinking.
I end up judging myself, inevitably falling short, comparing myself to others and overall being preoccupied with myself.
This clearly wasn’t the recognition I was looking for.
As I sat in this question, I saw that what I really wanted was not recognition of myself; I wanted to be myself without the need for recognition.
I thought that if I was recognized, I’d feel okay being me, but it turned out that when I’m being myself, without any need for recognition, I have what I’m looking for: an experience of my true self.
What I really wanted was to be me and be okay with that. This feeling doesn’t come from recognition or appreciation by others, and it doesn’t even come from recognition by myself.
The feeling of appreciation that I’m looking for happens naturally when not thinking about myself much at all. I’m just being.
In the space of being, there’s only what I’m experiencing and what I’m moved to say and do. There’s very little thinking about it.
My thinking creates the experience of, “I’m not being recognized. I’m not appreciated. I’m not good enough.”
Without those thoughts, I have everything I’m looking for.
So when I hear someone say they want to be recognized, appreciated and valued now, I know they’re looking for something on the outside that can never give them what they really want. This is how we end up forever chasing the people and things we think will make us happy.
What they really need is to simply be present, without thinking about themselves. The experience of being present is so fulfilling and beautiful that there’s no need for recognition. Your value isn’t even a question.
The beautiful experience of the present is so available, and yet we miss it. It’s right here and we don’t feel it.
Strangely enough, without a need for recognition, without thinking about myself much at all, I start to get external recognition. People start to notice and comment on my joy and energy.
The feeling of just being and resting in okayness is already happening inside me, so of course, it’s reflected on the outside.
Much as I desire recognition, I’m wary lest receiving it become about me because then I’m back to looking towards the validation of others to make myself okay.
Sometimes I can receive recognition as an appreciation of what moves through me and it’s also not about me. That feels right. It doesn’t feel right to reject recognition, but it also doesn’t feel right to identify with it.
So if you’re feeling unappreciated and unacknowledged…
What is it that you’re really looking for? And since you can’t control how anyone else shows up, where can you look for that?
The question takes you within.
When you look within, what do you find?
Yours in love and play,
Steph
