I just realized something I do, that we do as humans, that is absolutely impossible and doomed to fail.
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What we want – what I want – is to feel good. Always.
In my attempts to do that, I end up spending my time now trying to plan and control and set up my life so that I will feel good.
The problem is that it’s an impossible task.
I can’t possibly know how I will feel five minutes from now, let alone five days or five years from now.
I can’t possibly orchestrate a life that will make me feel anything because the circumstances of my life do not create how I feel.
Yet I will spend my time thinking, obsessing and stressing myself now in order to try to control something in the future that is impossible for me to control or influence because I’m not even there.
This craziness is so normal for us as humans.
Let’s look at what’s true for a moment.
Where is the place where I have an influence over my feelings?
Where is the place that I can actually see a choice available in how I feel and take it?
Right here. In this moment. Not even today. This moment.
I can show up HERE and NOW relaxed and peaceful. I can show up here with whatever grace I see available in any circumstance, feeling or experience.
That’s it. That’s what I have.
It looks so clear to me right now that spending my time stressing about anything that isn’t under my influence right now is crazy. Not only is it crazy, it’s ineffective. And not only ineffective, it creates the opposite experience that I actually desire.
Thinking about how to control the future creates stress and tension in the only space (Here. Now.) that’s actually available for me to relax and feel good.
It’s so human to want to predict the future and create the perfect circumstances that will keep us feeling good, but trying to do that keeps me from feeling good right now.
Even though I see the truth of this, I don’t expect to be cured from doing it again. As I’m here in this body I’ll probably forget and look to circumstances for the feeling I want.
So today while I see this, I’m sitting here in this moment, noticing how precious it is. This moment holds all the things I want to create for myself in the future. I don’t actually need to do anything and go anywhere to get it.
I think this might be a lovely way to live.
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