Habits.
Pop psychology loves to label them “good” or “bad.” You’re told to replace the bad habits with better ones, and use rewards to make them stick.
Atomic Habits, Tiny Habits, The Power of Habit…
These books preach different methodologies, but they all seem to agree on one thing:
Build habits to make yourself do what you should do — without draining your willpower.
But here’s the thing about “creating habits” – if you implement these habit-building practices, it requires an awful lot of work…and willpower.
This strikes me as wonky and possibly even a little bonkers.
(Says the person who once crafted a 90 minute Morning Success Ritual by stacking micro-habits, creating so much internal pressure in the process that it took all my willpower to follow through. 😵)
See? Bonkers.
When I caught on to this vicious cycle, I gave up on habit building and haven’t missed it.
But then I took A Fresh Look at Habits with my buddies, Kate, Tom and Bernie, and last week I stumbled across an article and this sentence jumped out at me:
“Habits extinguish themselves naturally.”
Wait a second – I thought we had to make habits go away by creating new, better habits and using reinforcements?
Turns out, habits can go away without any conscious effort to change!
Example:
A guy buys a soda from the vending machine every day at lunchtime. One day it breaks and isn’t repaired. After a few tries, he gives up, and the habit is broken.
Or someone obsessively scrolls Instagram at the bus stop. When they stop taking the bus, the habit disappears.
Simple.
Interestingly, habits which are intermittently rewarded or punished are more resistant to change than those that give a reliable result.
The vending machine suddenly stops serving up sodas, and the habit is extinguished quickly.
But when it comes to social media, where your recent post may or may not get likes, the unpredictable reward reinforces your obsessive checking of social media addiction like a drug.
Human psychology is fascinating! But rather than plunge into that endless rabbit hole, let’s look for the simple truth.
Habits are not fixed. They change all the time without any effort on your part.
I don’t think you have to “make” yourself do something that’s good for you. You just have to actually want it.
If there’s something in your life that you’d like to change, rather than tricking yourself with psychological techniques, try this:
#1 – Get clear on what you actually, really truly want to do (or stop doing).
#2 – Notice when you’re not doing it, and shift.
Getting clear means getting honest with yourself. If you haven’t been doing what you’d like, it looks to you like there’s a good reason for it.
For instance, if you’re a crappy listener, maybe you’re afraid you’ll forget what you wanted to say.
But once you’re clear that listening is more important, coming back to presence will be natural and easy. No habit extinguishing required.
You are not lived by your habits; you are inhabited by life. Alive, responsive and infinitely changeable.
This month in the IMPACT membership, we’re throwing out the book of habits and taking up the Quest for inspired action instead.
🌟 Our next workshop happens on April 9th at 2pm EDT…
Tap the Power of Your Message and Share it Fearlessly!
You’ll discover that the most attractive part of your message is YOU – lit up, passionate and sharing what you love. No polished presentation can outshine the message from your heart, and it’s easier to find than you think.
Join IMPACT today and you’ll get access to the workshop for free. Plus our past courses, the Spark & Strategize Mastermind, Community Jam and more.
https://www.theawakenedbusiness.com/impactinvite
Yours in love and play,
Steph
