I’m pet sitting for a charmingly stubborn Bichon Frisé called Ragnar (Rags for short) just a few miles from my home in Portugal.
Why would I take a pet sit so close to home, you may ask?
Well, for a chance to hang out with this guy. Obviously.
I crave adventures in new places, even if it’s just the next town over. Living in someone else’s home shakes things up, forces me out of my norms, and the world looks different.
But.
The invitations to pet sits here in Portugal have been plentiful. There aren’t many pet sitters listed on the Trusted Housesitters site (and probably none with over 37 five-star reviews) so when people search for pet sitters who already live in Portugal, yours truly is at the top of the list.
This causes a problem for me because Stephanie historically has a hard time saying no.
Case in point:
A woman reaches out to me from a nearby town. She’s traveling in July and needs a sitter for her aging Springer Spaniel. Wouldn’t it be convenient to have a neighbor (me) on call for her pet sitting needs?
She reaches out and before I know it, we set a coffee date and an introductory visit with Maisie the spaniel.
Her place is gorgeous, with a swimming pool and a view of the surrounding countryside. But it’s located five kilometers outside of town, which means nothing is walkable, a there’s no public transport – a challenge for me without a car. Not to mention it’s HOT inland in July.
My place now is a few minutes away from a cool swim in the ocean. Why would I trade that for a sweat-fest in the middle of nowhere?
So on the date of our meeting, I stalled. It was raining and we could meet another time, since there’s no rush.
I’m not proud to admit it, but I nicely blew off our meetings twice, hoping she would give up and go away.
But Ms. Sweat-fest is persistent. She follows up with me again, offering to pick me up and drop me off.
My mind and body say NO. I don’t want to do this, but now I feel obligated, and it’s so much easier to just go along for the ride…
In the past, that’s how it would have gone down. I would have shown up and taken the gig, even though I really didn’t want it. Just because someone asked me.
But this time, I caught myself.
I messaged the woman to let her know that I wasn’t interested in visiting the hot countryside in July, and apologized for wasting her time.
While it may have taken a few weeks of unnecessary text messages to get to this point of clarity, and I could have handled it more gracefully, I’m still damn proud of myself.
I’ve stopped saying yes when I mean no.
I no longer accept invitations that don’t feel right, even if it’s what someone else wants. I (finally!) understand that an authentic no is good for everyone involved.
“Every no I say is a yes to myself. It feels right to me. People don’t have to guess what I I want or don’t want, and I don’t need to pretend. When you’re honest about your yeses and noes, it’s easy to live a kind life…Saying no isn’t an act of selfishness; it’s an act of generosity, both to myself and to the apparent other.” – Byron Katie
I’m embarrassed it’s taken me this long to see. I’m pushing fifty, for chrissakes! But I figure it’s better now than never.
And I can channel my generosity in the direction of my choosing. Such as…
Sharing the amazing events and creations of my community members!
Jeff Kelton is a transformative coach with a PhD in clinical psychology and a deep love for playing with people and nature. I’m passing on his invitation to join the global EarthJams movement this Earth Day, April 22nd.
Musicians, dancers, and lovers of nature will gather all over the world for spontaneous performances in nature as an offering of collective creativity, healing and ecological awareness. Participation is free and available to anyone.
I’ll be hosting the Sun, Sea & Sand Players EarthJam here on the beach here in Portugal at sunset on Earth Day. Wanna join me?
Visit the website to learn more, find local events, or start your own EarthJam.
Yours in love and play,
Steph
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