I’ve been on very few dates in my life.
Part of the reason is because I spent most of my adult life (22 years) with the guy I met at age 19 and later married. But even after we split, dating wasn’t much of a “thing” for me.
My relationship MO is more like:
- Meet someone
- Invite them to hang out
- Hang out a few more times
- Move in together
I’m not even kidding. Most of my relationships never had an official first date.
The most magical date of my life happened last year, and it wasn’t romantic at all. Before I tell you the tale, you need some backstory…
It was March of last year, on my birthday, when I said, “I’m tired of being afraid to do things I actually want to do.”
I didn’t mind feeling afraid about things I didn’t want to do – like bungee jumping or driving on the Autobahn — but letting fear stop me from doing what I want? That just seemed DUMB.
For instance, I had an upcoming solo trip to London for a transformational event. I had to get from Stansted Airport to Kensington, which required taking a train to Liverpool Station, switching to the subway and then walking to my Airbnb.
This might not seem like a big deal to you, but I was terrified.
I obsessively researched the details, consulted my host, and planned my route to make sure it was right. I knew I was working myself up over nothing, and it would be okay, but I couldn’t stop worrying.
Then I saw something that changed my life.
I saw that I wasn’t using fear to avoid the things I wanted to do; I was making myself afraid to avoid FEAR — and fear can’t hurt me.
From inside my world I was living in, it looked like fear itself was dangerous, and I was doing everything I knew to avoid it – which ironically meant scaring myself away from anything remotely fearful.
While public speaking or sharing my writing online has never scared me – traveling to a new location did.
This insight about fear was landing just before and during my trip to London, and something just felt different.
I still had the familiar clench of anxiety in my chest upon landing at Stansted Airport, but I knew it couldn’t hurt me. It didn’t matter. I could feel afraid and still get where I needed to go.
The anxiety came and went in waves, but each one passed, and I made it to the train station in Liverpool. Then I went into a panic.
I couldn’t figure out how to find the subway. My breath quickened and my vision failed me, the signs made no sense.
“You’re scaring yourself, Steph,” I said in a low voice, so the other travelers wouldn’t hear. “Just relax and use your awareness.”
I made a few loops around the station, feeling foolish, and eventually found a sign for the subway. From there I found my way to my Airbnb in Kensington. My host showed me to my room, a renovated garden shed in his backyard that was surprisingly cozy and charming, and I slept well after a long day.
Here’s where the magical date comes in…
The next morning, my host, Andrew, went into full-blown tour guide mode. I had one free day in London before my event, and he was determined I would make the most of it.
He laid out a plan for a whirlwind tour of London-in-a-day:
- Take the bus to the Battersea Power Station
- Hop on an Uber Boat to see the sights from the Thames
- Get off at the Globe Theater
- Meet him at the Tate Modern for the Yoko Ono Exhibit
Normally, this itinerary would have struck terror in my heart. I have to take a bus and a boat in a strange city?!?! Hell, no.
Stephanie from a week before would have smiled politely and explained that she was far too tired after her travels for such an adventure. She’d stay safe in her room for most of the day, perhaps venturing out to visit a single destination before scuttling back to recover.
But on this day, I said yes.
With a fluttering stomach, I found my way to the bus station, where I struck up a lovely conversation with a gentleman from the Ukraine before getting off at Battersea Park. After a few wrong turns, I found the Power Station where I managed to decipher the Uber Boat schedule and buy a ticket.
My progress was clumsy and awkward, but I did it.
When I finally met Andrew for our date at the Tate Modern, I was ecstatic.
Fear couldn’t stop me!
The Yoko Ono exhibit was everything I could hope for: quirky, provocative and fully interactive. The “paintings” on display invited participants to draw on them with markers, talk to a stranger or contribute in some way.
Andrew and I performed “Bag Piece” by climbing into a semi-transparent black bag together to move and dance for an audience of strangers.
Here’s a video Andrew took of my contribution to “Painting to Hammer a Nail.”
Since then, my insight about being unstoppable has deepened. Travel logistics no longer fill me with dread, inviting people to conversations is easy, and I really don’t care if I feel afraid. Now I know more than ever that nothing can stop me from doing what I want to do.
My entire trip to London was a triumph over fear. It was the most enlightening and delightful date of my entire life, and I emerged with a new friend who I plan to visit in London next month.
If you’d like to have an adventure with a new friend, you’re invited to join the IMPACT membership. Jump in to play with us, and rediscover yourself as unstoppable.
https://www.theawakenedbusiness.com/impactinvite
Yours in love and play,
Steph
