“What’s stopping or slowing you down from creating the coach business you desire?”
The answer is inevitably: “Me.”
But what’s stopping you or slowing you down isn’t YOU.
It probably isn’t the obstacle that seems to be stopping you, either.
(You’re smart enough to know that, which is why you might answer the question, “Me,” instead of the thing you know isn’t stopping you that still sort of looks like it is.)
The idea that I’m working against myself seems cruel, not to mention schizophrenic.
What if there isn’t anything stopping you?
I don’t believe SELF-SABOTAGE exists.
It’s an awful thought, isn’t it? This hurt and broken part of myself actively works against what I’m doing to an attempt to sabotage my efforts.
It’s like I’m possessed by a demon!
I think there’s a kinder explanation here.
We do what we think is best, given the information we have and the thinking that looks real to us at the time. (Some smarty pants like Michael Neill said that.)
The information we have and quality of thinking varies. A LOT.
When I’m in a foul mood and some guy cuts me off in traffic, the thought, “That guy is an asshole and I like to cut off something of his,” looks pretty compelling. My behavior might well include some cuss words and flipping a bird or two.
But if I get the information that the guy is driving his daughter to the emergency room, and the thought, “He’s panicked and rushing to help his daughter,” it’s a whole different story. Now I’m saying a prayer for their safety.
In neither case was I “sabotaging” my desire for happiness and peace in my life. Rather, I was acting in a way that made sense, given what looked real to me at the time.
We’re fundamentally innocent.
So what if you really feel stuck and can’t get yourself to do what you know (or think) you should be doing?
First step: get real about what really looks like it’s a problem — even if you know it isn’t.
“I’m a procrastinator” or “I’m lazy” or “I’m just not a tech person.”
Cool.
Let’s sit in the room with the “problem” for a moment and give it a look-see.
Is it true?
I’m betting that for every instance of procrastination or laziness, you can find an example of the opposite.
And it’s pretty likely in the age of Google searches and Fiverrs for hire that a tech problem isn’t really stopping you, either.
When we poke those thoughts gently, they start to look kinda flaccid and almost…funny. Maybe we even laugh about them a bit.
And then…
We get to look for something new, something that may have been unnoticed until now.
(I can’t give you a spoiler because we haven’t seen it together, but I can guarantee it’s there.)
When we see it, the “problem” shifts, just like that.
I used to work so HARD to get rid of my obstacles and problems, because it just couldn’t be that simple.
I mean, I’ve been struggling for years to “get over myself.” What does that say about me if it could have been easy all along?
What if it WAS simple and easy?
If you’re willing to see something new, you have this miraculous capacity for insight that’s innate, and so, so powerful.
It’s often easier to do this with a curious companion or coach (like me) but you can do it on your own, too.
Your wisdom will guide you to just the right resource or give you the perfect question to reveal the path.
Give it a try for yourself and tell me how it goes.
Has this ever happened to you? What do you see about “self sabotage?”
Yours in creative play,
Steph
