This week has been incredibly challenging.
I said goodbye to two beloved pets, Java and Loki, aged 19 and 17 respectively. They passed within two days of each other, as if they’d calibrated their internal clocks to depart at the same time.
Loki the gray and Java the wild
While my husband and I wrestled with those torturous questions (Do we ease the transition? Are we doing enough? Did we do enough?) we had a life to live, teeth needing to be brushed, other mouths needing to be fed, a business to run.
I had some unbelievably inspiring moments this week in the midst of all this pain. There was excitement, creativity, peace, gratitude, and lots and lots of love.
Then I noticed something strange.
As part of my 60 Day Inspiration Experiment, I rank my inspiration level each day on a scale of 1-10, noting what was inspiring and what was not. My intention is to attune myself to that which is inspiring for me.
At the end of one of those days in the midst of all this confusion, doubt and grief, I sat down to evaluate my day on the inspiration scale. It had been a roller coaster of a day: new beginnings, profound reverence, deep grief and sadness, highs and lows that left me exhausted.
My inspiration level that day was a 10.
It was the first day I’d ever ranked that high in inspiration.
How could a day full of so much pain possibly be inspiring?
And yet it was. In the depths of my pain, I was profoundly grateful for the blessing of these two lives who’ve been a part of mine for so long, and deeply thankful for the ability to experience a life of such fullness.
Inspiration is the ability to experience the full spectrum of life, soaking in every moment, from the deepest pain to the heights of enthusiasm, embracing it all with acceptance.
Joy is not “feeling good” all the the time. It’s feeling what is there to be felt, experiencing the moment fully, and letting it go. It is gratitude for each and every moment for the gift it brings.
My inspiration level didn’t stay that high throughout the rest of the week, but it did open up the possibility of living this way.
A parting gift from my beloved companions: the possibility of gratitude in the midst of pain.
This is their gift to me, and mine to share with you.
